| I can do this. |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
I keep thinking back the days where I was at my lowest weight. It seemed so easy. I'd bring a small can of fruit for lunch, and that's all I'd eat some days. Other days, it wasn't much more.
This gives me hope and determination.
I know I have it in me.
:) |
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|
| yum |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|07:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
I am doing a fruits and vegetables fast. I don't know how long I'll go, or how long I'll be able to go. I've never really been a successful faster.
I started this morning at 125.5...pre-period. Once again, periods ruin everything!
Today's plan:
*breakfast - 1 cup fresh raspberries
*snack - 1 smallish/medium gala apple
*lunch - 1 cup cut up fresh strawberries and 1 cut up small banana (SO good!)
*snack - um...maybe carrotts? cucumbers?
*dinner - carrotts and cucumbers, depending on if I go to the store for others
*water water water!
I told Nick I was going to do this awhile ago, and he thought it was the dumbest thing ever and kept making smartass remarks. He should be thankful I'm actually eating. Stupidass. (I really do love him...haha).
( work nonsense ) |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|07:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Just...yikes. |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|06:51 am] |
I'm not getting anywhere.
I need more self control.
I hate that sound my stomach makes when it's empty. Just shut the hell up already!! You're not getting anything!
Psh yeah, I wish I could fast for longer than like 12 hours.
I felt reeeeeeeeeeeeally fat yesterday. :(
Trying to decide how much I should eat today...how fucked up. |
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| real toilets!! yes!! |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|03:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
Ahh!!!!!!!! I love being home!!! :)
No, it really was fun. I love camping. Didn't love the fact that us girls had to use a fallen log as a toilet though!! Yeah...
Got really drunk a few nights...wow what good times! :)
Ate WAY TOO MUCH. :/
Oh well though...I was sorta good, I can honestly say that I didn't have a single s'more!
I'm at 125 today...kinda pissed about that, since I saw 122.5 before I left!! Ugh!!
Today Nick and I start back at the gym, last night we were just too damn tired.
Oh! And, we got a free puppy!!!!!!!!!! Ahh she's so cute, her name is Lola. :) I am taking pictures soon and I'll post them!! I forget what kind she is though. :)
I miss dance...soo freakin much. Only........about 2 months til it starts again, and my mom said she'd pay me to be a full-time assistant!! !!!!!
I cannot wait. :)
<3 <3 |
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|
| Goodness! |
[Jun. 29th, 2005|05:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
Yesterday I did yet another straight mile! No stopping!! =D Skinny legs, here I come!
I'm so impatient though...I want them NOW.
I'm leaving tomorrow evening, going camping. And...it's going to be dreadful.
( guys + planning a camping trip = dumbasses ) |
|
|
| Blehhhh |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|12:36 am] |
I feel like this layer of FAT on my body is just drowning me. It really is.
I'm so messed up, if you talked to me face to face about everyday chit chat, I'd probly be the happiest, bubbliest, and most smiley girl ever. This guy at the gym said to me today:
"There are two types of people in the world, people that brighten the room when they leave, and people the brighten the room when they walk in. You are always just so happy..."
It felt nice, but at the same time I'm going, "If you only knew Mr."
I just need the fat to go away. I need to shrink. It's pretty much the only thing in my life that I'm not happy with. Someone, please invent some magic cream or something! :(
On somewhat of a brighter side...today I ran my first full mile ever. Sure, I've ran miles before. But never without stopping. Sure, it took my 9 1/2 minutes, and I felt like my throat was going to catch fire. But it felt good. Ya think running will melt some fat off of my legs??
123 at the end of today. Kinda numb about that.
Meh. |
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|
| bleh |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|09:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Periods
ruin
everything. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|05:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
Blahhh...
Once again, I had to update my goals.
Son of a bitch.
And I found out that I am going camping with my boyfriend and some guys (possibly girls?) over the 4th of July. Gah!! I can't look like this.
All I seem to do lately is binge. It's GOT TO STOP. |
|
|
| update |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
Fat.
Depressed.
Trying.
Not hard enough.
:( |
|
|
| *note to self* |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|08:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
LIQUIDS ONLY TODAY, BITCH!!!
:p |
|
|
| I hate open houses! |
[Jun. 13th, 2005|12:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bitchy | ] |
First, I need to vent. I apologize in advance...I'm sorry girlies! :/
( rant! ) |
|
|
| saddness |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|07:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
So, my boyfriend was talking about Lindsay Lohan today. About how she's so skinny and whatnot...and I say "Why do you care, you don't like skinny girls anyways".
His words like a dagger, "No, I don't".
I wanted to die.
I am SICK of looking like this. I can't even wear jeans because I feel like thunder thigh woman. I dread getting dressed every day.
It's weird, the ups and downs I have. I have my super confident "skinny" days. More often, I have my low self-esteem fat days. I don't want to be like this anymore. I just want to be thin. God, do I want to be thin.
I refuse to accept that "this is the way I am". I made myself like this, and I can undo it, with more time and effort.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. |
|
|
| :( |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|10:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
I'm tired of saying "I'm going to be good today!" ...and doing the complete opposite.
Dumb. |
|
|
| Once again... |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
Yes, I had to alter my goals. :/
So now, it's 112-115 by June 15th. The day I am going to visit my friend at her cottage. ! So that's...15 days to lose 8 pounds?! Oh God, maybe I should reconsider that one...
Naw, I'll leave it, but I'll really be shooting for 117-118.
I saw 123 today, after the 125 incident. Ha. I'm going to be working out like crazy. :)
I can totally do this. Piece of...fat free sugar free cake.
~love love love! |
|
|
| oye |
[May. 31st, 2005|01:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
I couldn't last anymore...
125
And quite honestly, it's better than I expected. |
|
|
| oye |
[May. 29th, 2005|10:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
I'm trying, I really am.
I must try harder.
I'm afraid to weigh myself. But at the same time, I'm dying to know! Oye...if I can just hold out until I can feel or see a change. Then I won't be so disappointed when I finally do weigh in. :/
I keep thinking that, I'll soon have to be in a bikini around people. The thought semi-makes me cringe.
My boyfriend is the best. He knows how I feel about my body, especially certain parts. He claims I'm perfect, he doesn't like his girls sickly thin. And he also knows that I'm sort of a health freak. So yesterday he told me that he'd eat healthy with me, as long as I stay healthy. This is huge, considering this is the same guy who downs entire bags of doritos and 2 whoppers in one sitting, and is still skinny. :) He just makes me smile, and not to mention super jealous. I wish I could eat like that and be a twig. :/
BUT - I will be good today.
So far, breakfast was 1 Light N Fit with Fiber yogurt - 70 cals. By the way, the apple flavor is amazing...I love apples....
An apple will follow here shortly, then it's to the gym (working today!) and hopefully there's no one there so I can just work out. :)
Here's to a good day...and it's gorgeous out. :)
<3 <3 <3 |
|
|
| To me, love me |
[May. 25th, 2005|08:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dipshit | ] |
Dear self,
You stupid fatty. Know why you're not losing weight!? Because you're eating TERRIBLY. SO STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! Thanks love. Be good or it's YOUR ass...that will increase that is. Dumbfuck.
Love,
Lanie |
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